Life is hard for Otaku: When an Otaku loves another Otaku (and when they love a normie)

Hey all, Luna here! It’s day 7 of 14 Doki Doki Days and I’m here to talk about how Love is Hard for Otaku–which has nothing to do with Wotakoi: Love is hard for Otaku, but is heavily inspired by Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku. Star and I have been thinking about writing a post like this for a while, so we thought what better time than for our Valentine’s special? Because love IS hard for an otaku. Right now I’m experiencing a problem that Star too has experienced—HOW does one Otaku date another Otaku? Actually, let’s backtrack for a moment HOW does an Otaku even try to get to the point of dating another Otaku? Because that’s where the problems begin. But in all fairness, that’s where the problems of any crush begins. In that respect, dating an Otaku and dating a Normie is similar, but in fact the problems you’ll face as an Otaku with both of them is TOTALLY different.

When you date a normie, you might get the urge to hide how much of an Otaku you really are. It’s not like you’re ashamed of being an otaku—well, you might be—or you might be more cautious about how your boyfriend/girlfriend/person will react to YOU being an otaku. After all, like Narumi says in Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku:

“Otaku aren’t popular.”  It’s a harsh reality…but it’s one that I think is more often true than not. Otaku are generally seen as being childish, being weird, or for some reason having no social skills. All of which are hardly ever true, but that can become problems with normies. Some of them won’t want to be seen with you for it while others will just ignore that part of you entirely (out of sight out of mind). And while it would be unfair to say most normies react this way, it’s fair to say that quite a few do. The bigger of an outward otaku you are, the more people will find it strange. Quite a large hammer to deal with when you’re out there trying to find love. But to be honest that’s the least of worries when it comes to normies. There’s also the possibility that they just totally make you feel bad for being an otaku (in which case there’s no reason you should want to be with them–love yourself and don’t let them devalue you like that).  These are just some of the difficulties you could face with normies. But on the flip side, some of them might be really into your nerdiness. Maybe sometime a little too much…so much to the point they almost fetishize it. Which can get a little creepy sometimes. Especially if you’re a cosplaying otaku who a normie just wants to see dress up as a childhood favorite. Yikes.  But not all normies are like this. In fact, there are a lot out there who are wholly supportive of otaku’s in their natural form and get on just well. Just remember…if you are looking to date a normie, it could be a little difficult. If not for these reasons above, then for having such starkly different hobbies and interests. You want to be able to do things you like with the person you like, so sometimes it can get hard. The problem I have most often with normies is that they just don’t quite get the fascination with the otaku life. And ESPECIALLY cosplay life. There’s no stranger conversation than when someone asks “hey isn’t that hot anime guy you’re girlfriend?” Jealousy can erupt, confusion can erupt, and it’ll just end with the normie being baffled as to why you’re so into the otaku life.

Question:

And once again, I’m going to bring it back to Narumi’s quote: “If he accepts it, he must be an otaku too! I don’t want to date an Otaku!” An Otaku dating another Otaku sounds like the ideal situation, but it can come with it’s own difficulties too. In the beginnings of a relationship, it can sometimes be hard to talk to another otaku about things that aren’t related to anime/manga/otaku culture—especially when you both are so passionate about something. You might end up finding yourself in the loop of “have you seen the new episode?” instead of “how are you?” And then finding it a little difficult to break the comfortable habit of otakuness.

But at least you both are into the same things right? ONLY semi-correct. Not all Otaku’s are the same, meaning you guys may not have as much in common as you’d suspect. If one person is a game otaku, and the other is an anime, they’ll certainly cross over interests eventually, but at the same time they might not love the other’s hobbies as much as desired. There’s certainly comfort in being able to be yourself unabashedly, but if you’re looking for someone to understand everything about your brand of otaku, make sure they’re an otaku of a similar caliber.

Another difficulty with dating an otaku is that sometimes they fetishize your otakuness. For instance, a hardcore anime fan wanting their cosplayer significant other to dress up as their waifu or husbando for…reasons. Or maybe instead you’re dating a hardcore yaoi/yuri fangirl/fanboy who can’t help imagine you in a scenario. Or maybe there comes a time when you start worrying that you’ll never be able to live up to the expectations of their best boy or best girl. It sounds ridiculous, but if they are so passionate about their type, wouldn’t you start wondering if you were just “good enough” because you understood their love? It can be hard. Likewise, as an otaku you could do the same to a fellow otaku, and end up causing them to wonder. And you know what the worst part of all this is? Otaku have a bad rep for not being able to communicate properly…

But you know what one of the BIGGEST difficulties is with dating another otaku? It’s too comfortable. Now what I mean by that is that it becomes super easy for dates to consist of watching anime or reading manga in silence. It’s easy to simply stay in and enjoy hobbies together instead of go out and explore the world. Which hey, is both a blessing and a curse. On one side, it’s super nice, but on the other side it doesn’t leave a lot of room for new experiences and adventures. Especially if you’re expecting your love to be like any great shoujo romance out there. It’s just not going to happen that way without your effort, and it’s hard to push that when you’re too comfortable. But also if you push too hard to live like a shoujo…that’s equally as bad. Because despite the similarities, your love life is NOT manga. The best thing to do is find a balance, or else you’ll just end up disappointed.

So all and all, love is hard for an otaku because love is just plain ole HARD. At the end of the day, any relationship will have it’s difficulties, but now you know some things to look out for on your search for love! So don’t get discouraged and do your best! One day you’ll find someone, whether their a normie or a  fellow otaku, the best kind of person is the one who likes to see you enjoying the things you like. If they have the same interest a you, similar interests, or completely different interests—the way to know they’re a keeper is if they smile hearing you talking about the things you love. Because as an otaku, sometimes all we’re looking for is plain old acceptance with no strings attached.

So until you find your person, I hope this post helped you. And don’t forget! Whenever you’re feeling down or lonely, when you feel like you should give up trying to find happiness or trying to find someone to love, hold your head high and recite the magic words:

This was day seven of 14 doki doki days! We’ve got a whole other week of content lined up. If you enjoyed the content of this post, stay tuned! We’ll be streaming Dream Daddy on Valentine’s Day and talking more about love and dating. Until then, let us know what questions you have about love or any difficulties you’ve run into as an otaku, in the comments below!

Til next time!

xoxo

Luna